A Spork in the Road

I abhor the colloquial use of “literally” as an intensifier.

“She literally took forever to answer my question.”
“He was literally foaming at the mouth.”
“I was literally burning up.”

I’m all in favor of colloquial speech. I think casual grammatical structures are a natural consequence of how the brain operates in conversation, and I don’t expect myself or anyone else to preserve elegant syntax when chatting at the water cooler.

But must we really abuse the word “literally,” a gentle word that has done no violence to us or our loved ones? Can we not restore it to its natural meaning, rather than yoking it to wild metaphors that are in no way meant literally?

Please, be conscious of your use of this lovely word. Use it advisedly. Or I will hunt you down and make you suffer.

Literally.